New Study: Gazebos Make You More Attractive
By Brian Kulling

 

Over the past few months, I have been hard at work conducting a revolutionary new gazebo study. I have discovered an electrifying correlation between gazebo ownership and how attractive one is to members of the opposite sex. I took a sample of 40 sexy singles: twenty male and twenty female, and stranded them on an island. I gave half of them gazebos of various diameters and studied who hooked up with whom, the related jealousy that ensued, and of course, the effect that the gazebos had on the singles.
Men, listen closely. I have discovered something so profound that you guys would be fools not to pay attention. The size of a man’s gazebo directly relates to his level of attractiveness to females. On my island, I gave Brendan, 21, the largest gazebo I had, measuring in at 16 feet in diameter. He was definitely a popular stud. Heather, Jessica, and Chelsea all wanted him harder than they wanted the 19 other guys. He was the only one to achieve a foursome in his gazebo. He had each one of the mentioned three girls at separate times too. The other nine guys with gazebos all hooked up with a female or two and consummated their love in their respective gazebos. Meanwhile, the men without gazebos were left in the dust and were forced to gather food for the others. At one point, the gazebo deficient guys organized a plot to overthrow the others, but it failed because of the lack of support from the females. The ones without gazebos just couldn’t catch a break during the three months on the island.

Just like I mentioned before, the guys with the largest gazebos were found to be the most attractive by the females.

 

It is important to note here how I calculated the level of attractiveness for each male. After the stay on the island was over, I asked the females to rate each guy on a scale from 3 to 17. Then, I averaged all of the scores. I found that the most appropriate units to use on the level of attractiveness were sexfuls. A sexful is a unit I created that helps describe how attractive someone is. For example, Brendan, the guy with the 16-foot gazebo, had a level of attractiveness measure of 17 sexfuls, the highest number there is.
On the other hand, I discovered something quite peculiar about the females with gazebos, but it was very understandable once I thought about it. The females with the largest gazebos did not get as much attention from the men, but the females with the smallest gazebos were the most attractive. The reason is as follows. Men feel intimidated and inadequate when they see women with large gazebos. Don’t get me wrong, these women still found great success in love and are very attractive. In no way am I trying to discourage women from building large gazebos. I personally find women with large gazebos very sexy, I’m just stating the facts of my study.

Small gazebos do the trick when attracting a male, but large gazebos are successful too.

 

In concluding fashion, I leave you with this- gazebos do help find love. Of course you can find love without owning a gazebo. The majority of the world does, but is it true, quality love? Don’t you want to make sweet love to someone whose gazebo enthusiasm equals yours? Do yourself a favor. Fill your life with gazebos. You won’t regret it.